I know I have been MIA for awhile, and during the time I have been away some of you have reached out by email. I would like to say thank you for that. I am doing well, just getting by day by day, trying to hold myself together so to speak.
Since yesterday, however, I have felt stuck between a rock and a hard place, not knowing if I should reach out, or continue burying my head in the sand and pretend nothing bothers me, but reality hit me. Well, yesterday I got the news of my Grandpa is in ICU (this is the dad of my ex-step-dad), so in the mist of yesterday and talking to my grandmother, my mom, my Aunts.. I am bound and determined to do what is right for me.
Ever since the letter to my Step-dad. I have felt relief. I have felt that it did help. However, finding out that my Grandpa is in ICU yesterday I broke down. Why is it I am letting my ex-Step dad hold the value of who my family is? If he doesn’t want to see me he can walk away. I have pushed myself away from a whole family all because I was hurt, broken, and confused. Not knowing who I could trust, or who I could turn to, but you know.. Life happens. I was a child then, and it has been 6 years, it is time for me to heal, time for me to reach back out to my family. I was there since I was 2 (and I am 26 years old now), I think I deserve for my heart to be somewhat complete again. No more trying to make someone else happy. It is time for me to open my arms and fly.
I am going Saturday to visit my Grandfather. I haven’t seen him in a very long time. I am sure it is going to awkward, and tense, but it will be worth it. I just have to move the rock out of my way and do what I think is right.