Wednesday Quote: Pause


We could all use this reminder sometimes. Life seems to move pretty fast, if you don’t stop to look around once in awhile, you could miss it. Maybe we just need to slow down. Let’s pause in the moment.


Baby Fever


Why do I have baby fever!?

I have such high baby fever. I want another baby, even after all we deal with… I would love another baby. There is a lot of things I would do different if I had another baby: not know the sex of the baby, not tell anyone, no announcements, and to breastfeed.

I honestly feel like I missed out a lot with my babies.
Jade was born with a lot of complication, NICU for 9 days, us in the hospital for 12 days for an unknown blood infection. She was born Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day they didn’t even know if she would live. Heartbreaking things, but we made it. Grayson was a good delivery, just missed out on breastfeeding because I didn’t know how well he would do, and then all the fussing, crying, stomach issues. I felt bad. I should had breastfed.

Both my babies will be in school next year. I would love for another bundle of joy. It took some time with our babies. They had to adjust my pH balance with Jade. With Grayson I had to take progesterone for 13 weeks. They didn’t want to lose him and my levels were not where they needed to be. So, I honestly don’t know what they means for another. My regular doctor already has me on vitamins with folic acid, not due to “maybe more babies” but due to hair loss, trying to figure out what is going on with me since the delivery of Grayson. I guess from here we just wait and see. Hubby says no, because of his school, but I think I manage 2 kids pretty well. My anxiety and depression doesn’t interfere with them. I still manage what I need to do as a mom, I just learn to push through to get what I need to get done, done.

So, how do you know you have Baby Fever?

Having an itch to buy all the tests. I want to stock up, but then again, I want to be surprised? What is this concept. Just me?! Okay. Let’s just say it is. ha!

Pregnancy Bump. Hello, all pregnancy clothes are cute! Have you seen them, heck, I still wear them now and my “baby” is 3-years-old.

Sleeping Baby Woes. Friends or family having babies and you are ooing over wanting one of your own! Look how tiny, I need one of those! You can’t stop staring at it, no matter what. It is like a magnet straight to your soul.

Cutely Dressed Kids. Omg, why cannot I be crafty, but I am filled with ovary bursts of “I want that!” Plus, babies are just like dressing baby dolls, they don’t fight over what they want to wear, and you can totally put them in whatever you want! Heck, Yes!

Looking back on past baby pictures. Why. Why do they grow up so fast!? They turn 5 and all of a sudden they are little independent things who no longer need you to dress them. Why. Why. Why. Yes, I know what I need!

#FoodAllergyWalk #FAREWalk #OurStory


At the end of October, we will walk for awareness for food allergies.
Here is our story:

At age 4 she was diagnosed with anaphylaxis to tree nuts.
Jade was staying with my mom while hubby and I went on a fishing date. We didn’t go far, less than 10 minutes away. My mom wanted to feed Jade some yogurt while we were away. No big deal. A kid has to eat and why not make it healthy. So, my mom fixed yogurt with crushed walnuts and mixed it and gave it to Jade. Jade immediately ran to the bathroom spitting out the grit of walnuts into the toilet. She was scrapping her tongue with her teeth, she was doing everything in her power to get rid of whatever was in her mouth. Jade then started telling her Nana she needed a hospital. Now, understand this is a 4-year-old. She was pointing out the front door saying, “I need a doctor. I need the hospital.” At this point my mom calls me to let me know something might be wrong. Hubby and I load up to head to my mom’s.
We walk in to my daughter still in a panic kind of state. She wasn’t swelling, no visual signs of anything wrong, so I told my mom to give her some Benadryl and I would take her home to watch her through the night. We load up, takes about 20 minutes to get back to our house. It is dark out, I carry Jade inside.
Once inside, I put Jade on the floor and tell her to go see her Dad, he was in the Kitchen seeing if we had more Benadryl for later. I noticed something not right with her legs and told him to look at her.
He raised her shirt, her short legs and noticed blanket hives, thick looking hives all over her skin where her clothes touched her body. He looked dead at me to say, “We need to go NOW. No waiting. Hives mean Now.”


A Letter To My Husband


My Protector, My Love,
I decided to write you today. We have been through a lot in the past few years and I thought now would be a good time to write you. Life can be hard, life can get messy, and we both know how messy it can get.


Heart Palpitations


Heart palpitations are a feeling that your heart is beating too hard or too fast, skipping a beat, or fluttering. You may notice heart palpitations in your chest, throat, or neck. Heart palpitations can be bothersome or frightening. They usually aren’t serious or harmful, though, and often go away on their own.

I started getting heart palpitations when everything happened with the neighbor. I don’t know if the amount of stress started it, or if it was a mix of everything. I was also in the middle of a civil rights case against my daughter’s school when everything was going on. I was also in the middle of being distant with family. I really had a lot going on and I wasn’t using my voice as I should had been.


My Own Insecurities



I honestly struggle a lot.
My insecurities doesn’t cause me anxiety, that I am aware of. But I really am self conscious. It is a weird thing to be inside my mind. I guess in reality I just throw on clothes, but then I look in the mirror and realize my mom muffin top can be seen and completely change what I wanted to wear. It sucks. I only have the front of my stomach to be the issue. Like you can totally tell a watermelon kiddo was in there. Like excess skin, stretch marks, the look of a muffin top… it doesn’t go away. Maybe some people look at me to be beautiful but in my head, I think I can be “better“.


First Year and more with Grayson

I know I kind of left you guys hanging after Grayson was born. So, let me update you.

Grayson was born on April 7th. He is our lucky 7 baby. His delivery was amazing. Not much excitement. I had an epidural. My epidural was trying to wear off when I was around 8cm. Dude, you wanna talk about pain. Dear heavens, I was about to have a come to Jenna meeting right on the spot.


To Do Fall Things

Fall is here y’all!
I love this time of year. Cookouts, camp fires, smores, football, cool nights, turning of leaves… man, just about everything!



Depression and Anxiety


I have depression and anxiety. Yup, I will admit it here. I have suffered with it for a long time, I just never talk about it. I don’t even take medicine for it, because I don’t want a pill helping me, I want to help myself. My anxiety comes from a number of places: my past, dealing with medical issues, just a lot of different things. I’m not one to say “I’m depressed today, leave me alone” or “I can’t do that due to my anxiety” or “Pray for me, my anxiety is bad“. I guess in a way, to me, if I said those things I would look at it as an excuse? Instead, I cover up with that excuse with something else.


A little time

We all need a little time, don’t we?
To self absorb what is around us. To take in and let out the negativity.
Sometimes, we just need the moment to refocus our zen.

I am doing better. I am getting back to myself, I am figuring out life again. It is hard not really knowing what you want in life, or what you need it in. Sometimes you just have to let go, let the curtains stay closed, just to breathe in the air. Sometimes, we just need to pause in the now. Take in the NOW. Take time to devour what you want in life. What are your goals, your ambition, your way of life. What do you want to become and more.

A re-focus, kinda like a re-branding of sorts. Seeing where you are, look back at where you been. I have always been told to not look back on the past, but why not!? I look at my past to think how amazing I am to overcome such heartache, abuse, being torn apart on the inside, being ripped down to my core. I have been through so much in this life, and I will keep going head on. I will continue to thrive into what I know, and yet find something more about me that I didn’t. I will continue to love myself, no matter of what people say, no matter how many times I want to crawl in the bed to just forget about what hurts.

So, here is today.. here is to life.. here is to now.

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