Life is Hard

Iamhere

No one understands what it is like when you are trying to overcome anxiety.
My anxiety didn’t hit til January when everything happened.
Yes, I pray. I know in time everything will be fine, but I still have bad days.
It is hard understanding what one goes through when your life is snatched from you. By life, I don’t mean that you are dying. I mean that life is hard. Life of trying to give it your all in everyday things.
If you can go to the grocery store by yourself, without thinking about all the what ifs, than be grateful. I would never want anyone to go through what I did. The worry. The pain. The pure thought of something bad happening.
I know it can happen, it happened to me.
Reaching out to get support, or even to ask for a lending hand.. to be rejected.
To be rejected by the one person who means the most to you.
It hurts.
My heart hurts.
I just want to feel like my normal self again. It took me 16 years to get to the point of going places by myself.
To go alone.
Than one day, in one second all of that came back.
Being touched in your own home. Your private place, your own environment, your guard being shattered.
This is what I am overcoming.
The thought of not having support, the thought of people “not getting it”.
The remarks of, “Let it go.” “It happens.” “Only God can heal.”
To anyone out there who has been through this. I feel you. I am here.
I am here, just trying to be the best person I can.

New Years, Cheers to 2013

We rung in the New Year with Grilled Cheese, and Tomato soup. Jade even decided that she was sleepy and put herself to bed at 7:30pm. I thought we would at least get to go to the Possum Drop (it is similar to the Peach Drop, but just in redneck terms). We have never took Jade out for New Years, so I thought she should at least get to go this year, especially with a baby on the way. Well, that didn’t happen. I eventually fell asleep on the couch, waking up 3mins after 12. I did fully wake up and tell Savoy Happy New Year, but then we planted ourselves in the bed.

I do know in 2013 we will be blessed among a lot of things. We will have a great year, and I truly believe in that. 2012, there was a lot of ups and downs, but I would say we are still out on top. We are still learning about Jade’s Nut Allergies, and dealing with that, but it is getting easier. She did get a lunchbox from Santa. She said she wanted to eat with her lunchbox friends at school, so now we are going to be fixing her lunches, not everyday, but when the mood strikes.

We will be receiving a true miracle in God’s making. A Baby Boy. I have already started collecting clothes, shoes, diapers, and blankets. I guess I just like being prepared. Being prepared isn’t a bad thing, right? Plus, I only have 14 weeks to go! We still need a lot of things, furniture and others gadgets.

Another blessing in 2013 will be that my dear Husband will be graduating from school. He has been in school for 2 years, with a 4.0 grade point average all 2 years, and on the President’s List. I have to say I am fully honored to say he is mine. He is so smart, and has done so much in the last 2 years. He has already got into the field of which he is going to school for, and he loves it. He loves going to work, and to hear him say those words really makes me smile. He use to hate going to work, repeat after repeat, but now he loves it, and that is what counts.

We will also be moving into a bigger, better place in 2013, and after we move, we will be working towards owning our own house. I am so ecstatic about that. I never thought in a million years we would be as close as we are, and to see that dream at our fingertips is truly inspiring. Just proves how far we have come since 2004.

Now I will hush, and let you see some pictures of what has come of 2012. I know I have been slacking, but we have been dealing with a lot of things, and when hubby is finally home, I spend much of my time with him. Which I am sure you all understand.

Jade Jade1 Jade3 Jade5 Jade6 Jade15 Jade16 Jade17 Jade20 Jade21 Jade 5 Jade 6 Jade 7 Jade 13 Jade Jade2 SAM_2195
25 weeks 2012  Christmas Jade and Granny Jade and Nana Jade and PawPaw Oh My Gosh2013

We’re Jumpin’ Topics 2012 Review

 

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 59,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Thank you everyone who has commented, looked, and searched through my thoughts. I know I am not here a lot, but I want to personally thank every one of you who has followed, and helped encourage me along the way. You are truly one of kind, and again Thank You! May you all have a Blessed and Wonderful year in 2013!
~Jenna

 

Jade’s Allergy Awareness

Google Image

Most people don’t realize how serious food allergies are. I am learning that a lot of people are not aware of what could happen if my child eats, or if someone touches her with oils from a nut on their hands what would happen to her.

With being a No Nut Diet, that means all Peanuts and Tree Nuts. Tree Nuts include – Almond, Beech nut, Brazil nut, Butternut, Cashew, Chestnut, Coconut, Hazelnut, Ginko nut, Hickory nut, Lichee nut, Macadamia nut/Bush nut, Nutmeg, Pecan, Pine nut/Pinon nut, Pili nut, Pistachio, Sheanut, and Walnut

Following is a list of tree nuts and some ingredients that contain tree nuts:

  • Almond – butter, paste (marzipan), flavoring, extract
  • Brazil nut
  • Cashews – butter, flavoring, extract
  • Chestnuts (water chestnuts are OK, they’re not nuts despite their name)
  • Hazelnuts or filberts
  • Hickory nuts
  • Macadamia nuts, Queensland nuts
  • Pecans
  • Pine nuts, pinon, pignoli
  • Pistachios
  • Walnuts
  • Gianduja (chopped nuts mixed with chocolate)
  • Nu-Nuts artificial nuts
  • Nut Meal
  • Mashuga nuts (pecans)
  • Nougat
  • Nut paste
  • Nutella

Foods Commonly Containing Tree Nuts:

  • Baked Goods – breads, muffins, cakes, cookies, bars, pastries, doughnuts, frostings
  • Snack Foods – granola, granola bars, rice cakes, snack mixes, crackers, caramel corn
  • Asian Foods
  • Pesto
  • Salads
  • Candy – candy bars, brittles, chocolate, fudge, pralines, turtles, clusters

Every time Jade is exposed to the allergen, she could get worse with each reaction, which could lead to death. So, as a Mom I will read labels, and tell my family till they know everything I know by heart. I want my family to be aware, just like I am aware, and I want to be able to trust them with Jade, just as much as I trust myself. As her Mom it is my duty to be her mouth, and to tell people she is around about her allergies. I will continue to do research to not get better knowledge about food allergies, but so I can become fully aware of how real it is. Just because Jade carries an Epipen that doesn’t mean that I can rule out what makes her sick, or could possible kill her. Her Epipen is what saves her life till we get her to the nearest hospital.

Every time we pick up something, rather if it cereal, frozen stuff, ice cream, shampoo, sandwich meats, bread, etc… this is what we look for (above picture)

Thrill Rides over the Weekend

This weekend has been amazing. We went to Six Flags over Georgia this past Saturday. There was 9 of us who went. Hubby rounded up tickets so he could bring his family, and I brought my childhood friend Justin. So there was Aunt Virginia, Uncle Roy, Lisa, Ariel, Brayden, Justin,  Jade, Savoy, and I. As most of you probably remember Brayden was in the hospital in Atlanta for a month, so we wanted them to go out and enjoy some time, to play. It was Brayden and Ariel’s first time going, and it was Lisa’s birthday. Happy Birthday Lisa!

Left to right – Jade, Savoy, Me, Ariel, Lisa, Brayden, Uncle Roy, Aunt Virgina

We rode Dare Devil Dive, it has a 10 story vertical lift, then a vertical drop. Justin, Savoy, I rode this first (the first time ever riding it), we couldn’t talk anyone else into riding it. I have to say it is one of the smoothest rides and so much fun! I will definitely be riding it again. After we left from there we headed off for the kids to play.

Going up the lift hill

First stop Monster Mansion, which is a water boat ride through an old house. Needless to say Jade didn’t like it the minute we started in the house. The other kids enjoyed it, well till Brayden got through the Marsh, the dark gloomy part of the ride. You pass through fog, and red-eyed creatures. By the end of the ride Jade was crying, poor child. (Even now on Monday, she says “I don’t like the toys, they scare me!”)

One of the Animations on the ride

The Wile E. Coyote Canyon Blaster, is a small roller coaster in the kiddie land. It goes up a small lift hill, and goes in a figure 8 motion then comes back, not very long, or very big, but still a lot of fun to ride. The kids seemed to liked it, but of course Jade buried her head in her Daddy’s side.. maybe eventually she will enjoy it.

Wikipedia Picture

For a little break Brayden and Jade rode Toro, Toro it is a small bull ride that lifts up about 3 ft off the ground.

Jade and Brayden

We stepped outside for a glimpse of Santa Maria, airborne pirate ship, the ship swings go around in a circle, Savoy and Jade was relaxed on this ride. His legs propped up, and Jade snuggled in by his side. Ariel and Brayden rode together with all smile across their face.

Ariel in Pink, Brayden beside her. Hubby in the brown in the back

Before we headed out to grab a picnic at the car, we stopped by the carrot patch so the kids could run through and knock the carrots into one another.

Jade, Ariel and Brayden are in the back

After we adventured back into the park; Savoy came down with a cluster headache, so we waited to see what the game plan was. He told me and Justin we could go on and ride other things and he would look after Jade. Justin and I headed off to Goliath has the kids got in line for the Log Jamboree, a little log water ride.

Jade says, “I rode in Lisa’s lap”

Justin and I stood in line for an hour to ride Goliath, the big mean machine, it is a huge steel roller coaster that goes up 200 feet, top speed of 70mph. I am extremely scared of heights, but I sucked it up and got on it, because I know it is smooth, and really enjoyable once I rode it.

Wikipedia Picture

We then meet up with the group and headed off to the Go-carts where hubby drove Brayden around the track. Brayden had so much fun, and seeing him laughing and smiling was a nice thing to see. After Brayden got off the Go-Carts we rode the Sky buckets back close to the entrance where we told Lisa, Brayden, Ariel, Uncle Roy and Aunt Virgina bye and we glad they enjoyed it.

Brayden and Savoy

Savoy and Jade went to ride more rides, the Antique cars, the boat, and the Up, Up, Away ride. By the time they got done, they headed to the car to wait on Justin and me, where we went to see the new light show iLuminate at the Crystal Pistol.

I hope we get to go back again. Six Flags is a place where even I can go back and feel like a kid again. Justin and I have been going to Six Flags for as long as I can remember. We would go every Summer, and every Fright Fest that is held in October. I think we have been going to Six Flags since 2001, and now I can bring my husband to join in on the memories and the fun. Fun memories, great times, and a blast of fun!

(Click on the ride names for videos from YouTube. (Not of us but you will get a glimpse of what it was like)

Sunday was my Granny’s Surprise 80th birthday party! My Pawpaw is out of the nursing home for good, and is at home. Granny said that was the best birthday present she received was having her husband back home. We missed going to the party when I woke up Sunday morning with my whole face swollen due to an allergic reaction to hypoallergenic sunblock. However, we did go by last night to see her, and to tell her we would love to them out to eat for their birthday’s. Pawpaw’s was on June 2nd and Granny’s was on the 8th. Happy Birthday Pawpaw and Granny! I wish you many more!!

This Past Weekend

Friday, I went and got my gym card. Spent the afternoon with my hubby, and Jade. We went to look for Jade a desk, but realized it wasn’t what we wanted. No hardware inside the drawers, the drawers just slid in and it was made of plywood. Just one of those “no thank you” moments. Then Hubby went to the doctor about his headaches, seems they will be running more blood work on Wednesday.

Saturday, my Pawpaw’s birthday. It was so good to see him at his home. Granny check him out of the nursing home just for the day, to throw him a birthday party. We had chocolate ice cream cake, donuts, fried vegetables, vegetables and dip, and lots of other goodies. Then I sit here and ask, “Why didn’t I take my camera”. I always leave it at home, sad times.
Pawpaw said he can’t wait to get back home, and I don’t blame him, I would want to come back to the peace and comfort of home with families and friends.

Sunday, Lazy Day! Jade went to Nana’s and Hubby and I rested on the couch.

The only thing I wish I would have done different was not eat the sugary heaven at the birthday party.
Come on, who could pass that up!? and I’m sure my weight will tell on me.

This picture was taken in 2008

How was your weekend?

I am so grateful to…

  • God; for allowing me to strengthen through the rough times. I know he help me up and for that I give thankfulness to Him.
  • My Family for loving me.
  • My friends for believing in me, and supporting me.
  • My Husband; You may never know how proud I am of you. I love you, Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on, an ear for listening, providing for me, and supporting me. For all that I am so grateful to call you my husband.
  • My Mom; You have helped me through so much. You have been my voice when I thought I couldn’t speak. You have helped me in a lot of ways that is hard to explain, but you know what they are. Thank you. I love you
  • Lisa; Thank you for not only being a friend, but for being everlasting family. If I ever needed someone to hear me out, you was there, and thank you for the prayers, you know how to be a loving friend.
  • Lauren; I never knew you could have a friend 3000 miles away, someone you never even met, but yet we have a connection like sisters. Thank you for being one of a kind and continuing showing me what a friend is, and thank you for making me laugh.
  • Ryan; You are Goob. Thank you for the smiles, when I needed it. Thank you for being my friend after 14 years, and counting. We may not talk everyday, but when we do, it is like picking up where we left off. You are never a stranger, and I am grateful for being your friend.
  • Justin; Gosh, you are like my brother. You encourage me that anything is possible. May our memories continue to be created. Thank you for being there in my darkest of days and never giving up on me.
  • To everyone who opened their doors to me, rather it was spending the night or for temporary housing – Thank You.

 

Stop Going Around the Mountain

You know I wrote a post about Put the Shut to the Up

It is amazing how you talk about something and then somehow it comes back to you, and it is not even from you.. it is from someone else. Enjoy the video. (Click the link below)

http://vimeo.com/41706119

Book of Life

In the book of life, we are often dealt with cards that seem to be unreal or never thought about being possible. We often think about “Why” this would happen to me, or why “now”, but what I have learned in the book of life is…

Life throws us curve balls, it is up to us, as a person to either take it and learn from it, or to let it drown us in the pity and self-doubt.

Why constantly let life be about depression, or the “whys”?

Do you want to live life always being depressed? or do you want to show people how much stronger you are?

Life is WHAT YOU MAKE IT!

If you choose to be sad, mad, depressed, or anything else… that is on you.

We all need to learn to trust people to talk to, we all have bad days, or even years, but we always need someone to have an ear.

I have personally have been through so much this year alone, that you would think I would be depressed. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have my bad days. I have those days that when I need a friend, I find one.

I have taught myself to speak up about my emotions, to let someone in when I need them to hear, rather if it is a friend, or family, or whatever helps. I have learned that speaking about it, helps me, it clears my mind from over-thinking and it gives me a sense of knowing I am NOT alone.

Not only am I going through a hard time, but I have a friend who has recently fell back into old ways, old ways that I personally don’t know how to deal with, and usually I can handle anything. Usually I know how to show support, and encourage them, but right now I am numb. I feel as though as I failed as a friend, I feel as though I wasn’t there enough for them, which sucks, because I have been through so much this month that I have a lot going on already that now I have something else to add to it, and the one time I needed them I can no longer talk to them, because I think I will be adding more emotional baggage to them, when they have already went back to things they hate doing.

In this last Month…
1) Car is in the Shop
2) Pawpaw’s back surgery
3) Brayden is in the hospital
4) Pawpaw’s not doing rehab
5) Nurses are rude
6) Pawpaw has blood clots in his lungs
7) Jade’s severe allergic reaction
8) Pawpaw’s going to a nursing home (3-4 months)
9) Tumor in Pawpaw’s bladder
10) Taking Jade to Doctor
11) Brayden is still in the hospital (3 weeks)
12) No Extra Money
13) Friend is falling back into old ways

I know all this is in God’s hands, but this is a lot for anyone to go through emotionally. I call everyone to get updates, I think about them often, I pray for them as much as I can. I am starting back exercising (when the going gets tough, take it out on the Elliptical machine, right?) So, another thing to add to my list is not being able to fit into any of my clothes. I have gained back probably 15-20 pounds, and that in itself is hard to take, but only one person can change that and that is ME!

So, my point is… You are in Charge! You can CHANGE and You will get Through, This will make you STRONGER.

Good things that has happened…

Jade gets to start school in SEPTEMBER!!! Brayden is a TROOPER! and my Pawpaw is making jokes and LAUGHING!
Through all bad times, you will find the good, you just got to dig a little deeper.

Without Grumbling

I am often wanting to have gatherings with friends/family, rather if it is just popcorn, a movie, grilling hot dogs, or etc. I love sitting around talking, hearing laughter of kids as they play, and the chatter of adults talking about their interests, or other topics.

The only time I really see my family is on holidays and I rarely see my friends. Which it’s not all my fault, it is hard if you only have 1 car and your husband works and goes to school (which could be used as an excuse, see I’m not perfect). Why is it we are in a time that we don’t have enough time for people we love?

We often find excuses (as mine above), or something happening constantly that we just fall into a routine of “maybe tomorrow”.

1 Peter 4:9 “Offer Hospitality to one another without grumbling”

We don’t want others in our house, because we don’t feel as our house is clean enough (I’m really to blame on this one). Truth be known is that your company will not be coming in to see if you have dusted this week. If they are that judgmental, then they need the gift of love and hospitality more than yourself.
– How often has this happened to you? or how often do you think your house isn’t clean enough? Do you really think your friends/family is that judgmental of you or your belongings?

One thing I am willing to learn is worry less about my house and be more about hospitality. Hospitality is about people, not about my surroundings. It is about showing love and showing you care to others. It is about opening your door, not just to family or friends but to even your neighbor. Love Thy Neighbor has yourself, remember? and it doesn’t say Love Thy Christian Neighbor.. it says every neighbor!

I have always been big with wanting to be around people – friends/family/strangers. I would love to plan get togethers, wanting to spend time with whomever was willing to show up. My husband isn’t so much about gatherings as I am, but I have respected that, but he is finally coming to sense of knowing we need friends and willingness to show love for others.

Matthew 25:35 “Let all guests who arrive be received like Christ, for He is going to say, I came as a guest, and you received Me.”

Hebrews 13:2 “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

Whether we entertain friends/family or even strangers, we are told that the Lord is in our midst. What company to keep.

When you entertain, you bring honor and glory to yourself. Showing hospitality brings honor and glory to God.

Do you entertain or show hospitality?

 

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