My Own Insecurities

 

confidence

I honestly struggle a lot.
My insecurities doesn’t cause me anxiety, that I am aware of. But I really am self conscious. It is a weird thing to be inside my mind. I guess in reality I just throw on clothes, but then I look in the mirror and realize my mom muffin top can be seen and completely change what I wanted to wear. It sucks. I only have the front of my stomach to be the issue. Like you can totally tell a watermelon kiddo was in there. Like excess skin, stretch marks, the look of a muffin top… it doesn’t go away. Maybe some people look at me to be beautiful but in my head, I think I can be “better“.

(more…)

First Year and more with Grayson

I know I kind of left you guys hanging after Grayson was born. So, let me update you.

Grayson was born on April 7th. He is our lucky 7 baby. His delivery was amazing. Not much excitement. I had an epidural. My epidural was trying to wear off when I was around 8cm. Dude, you wanna talk about pain. Dear heavens, I was about to have a come to Jenna meeting right on the spot.

(more…)

To Do Fall Things

Fall is here y’all!
I love this time of year. Cookouts, camp fires, smores, football, cool nights, turning of leaves… man, just about everything!

fall

(more…)

Chores

This week I have started a new way of cleaning. I wasn’t cleaning on the weekends when Hubby was home, because who would want to do that?

I knew I had to figure out a way that I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed. I would sit on the couch on Monday wondering where to start. I would try to bust out everything an hour before Hubby came home, because I knew then I had a time limit but then that became stressful.

While exploring Pinterest, I found a chore list, and Wow, it works! This is my first week starting it, so it has taken a lot longer than the 30 minutes, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel hallway. I can feel it working! Even my Hubby says “Wow, I might keep you for today.” ~laughs~

Another thing, I don’t feel like an overpowering Mom anymore. I let Jade pull out all the toys she wants, when I begin cleaning I make her put up her toys where they belong. If she spills hr dry cereal in the floor, I assist her with the vacuum.

If you start this way of cleaning – Don’t think it will just start working over night. The first week just worry about marking the stuff off the list as you do them, don’t worry about the time. You will see how easy it is to maintain in the first few days.

Happy Cleaning

Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

I often wish people would understand how it is to be a stay at home mom. A true Stay-At-Home Mom. True meaning, No car to go anywhere unless your husband/family/friend takes you.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being a Stay-At-Home Mom, just sometimes it can become a lot.

Most of the time I feel lonely/isolated. I guess living out in the sticks can do that. I talk/text a lot, probably more than I should, because usually it is the only outside communications I get. My job never ends, I don’t have a punch out clock. I am on-call all through the night.

Staying at home gives me a sense of freedom in my role as a Mom, Wife, or even a Friend. I can choose the times to interact with people, but it would have to be by phone, or Facebook. We only have 1 car, so it can get pretty stressful when people don’t understand why you can’t just go and see them.

On the weekends you try to pull in so much adult interaction from your husband, you tend to lose the last time you actually spent time with your friends.

The most rewarding thing about being a Stay-At-Home Mom is to see how much you can effect your child’s life. I love being Jade’s caretaker and her lightning up telling people what she has learned. It just makes my heart warm, and lights up my world. I get to mold her, and watch her grow into such an amazing, sweet little girl.

Sometimes, my Husband doesn’t even understand the magnitude of being a Stay-At-Home Mom (24/7). He often says, “Oh yeah, I leave home to go to work.” I don’t think he knows how much that hurts me when he says those words. When he says something like that all I do is sigh and say “You will never understand.”

I don’t want to get a job outside of the house, not because I’m Lazy, but because I love being home, BUT there is so much home a person can do. So much cleaning, stepping on toys, yelling, teaching, trying to understand a child, loneliness, isolated one can get.

I don’t have a car to go pay the bills, get groceries, take Jade to the park, meet a friend for lunch, go to the movies, or library… I have to do all these things when my husband is home on the weekends and those are the days I want to spend with him, those are the days I want to be stress-free, relax kind of days. I only spend 2 hours a day with him (Mon-Friday) when he works and goes to school. Why can’t people understand that? I’m not blowing them off. I just don’t have an open calendar to do what I want.

Being a Stay-At-Home Mom is not easy, but in the long run it is worth it. I just tell myself, “Time and Patience”.

Six Word Saturday

(Click the Image ^^ Above to link up with us)

Everything Came Tumbling Down Around Me

Most of you know I am a stay at home mom of a 3-year-old, who will be 4 at the end of December. We only have 1 vehicle, we also don’t live in a big town and it takes about 20-30 minutes to get to a bigger town (and no not the capital, haha)

Monday –
Hubby had to come home from work (30 minute drive home) to pick Jade & I up, so I could take Jade to the Doctor. Hubby waited till we got called in the back before leaving to go to school. (Which was really nice of him) Jade and I go to the back room, she is fine for a little while, and she was playing with her toys (I remembered to pack them in my purse). Jade noticed a Barney book in the room, I didn’t bring it was just already there. I didn’t think anything of it, so I just handed it to her. She was fine when the Doc came in and told us she has sinus’ and teething molars. When we was getting ready to leave the little room Jade started throwing a fit about the Barney book that she had to leave behind. She was screaming telling me “No, It is Mine!” and this is where it started to stress me out.
My Mom was supposed to be at the Doc Office already to pick Jade and I up, so we could go to her house. When we get to the front of the building my mom isn’t there. I let Jade go play; I pull out my book I read a chapter or so, still No Mom. I grabbed my phone called my Mom and she is running late. She was apologizing and telling me what was going on, which is fine. Things happen, I understand. I hung up with my mom to turn around and Jade is standing UP in the waiting room chairs, walking… (O.M.G. MOMENT) I grab Jade down told her not to be walking in the chairs, sat her booty in a chair and told her not to move. At this point I could feel the pulse racing through my veins!
Jade starts playing again (with toys that are at the Doc Office). She is laughing, having a good time with sudden outburst of running in a circle then going back to what she was doing. I read another chapter in my book and my mom was still not there yet. I called her again, she is still waiting on something at work, something that couldn’t be helped, but the Doc Office is now closed and they are waiting on me to leave. I am watching Jade while I talk to my mom. While I watch her, I watch her climb up onto the kids table and STANDS UP (O.M.G. Did I really raise a Monkey!? What is this!? Get on my nerves day?) I hang up with my ill, outraged, ready to go. I then just walk Jade outside and we walk in circles till my mom gets there. Thank Goodness.
After all that I got to relax at moms as we went walking with a dear friend of ours, and Jade really had a nice time with watching the ducks at the lake. Mom helps me when she can, and for that it is something to be grateful for.
At the end of the day we only got out of the house for about 4 hours, but that is a lot better than none.
Monday – Total of 20 hours of being at home (just that day)

Tuesday – I am still exhausted from the night before and Jade is hyped up on Medicine. Not really a relaxing day, but I did much of nothing.
Tuesday – Total of 24 hours at home

Wednesday – Stayed at home
Wednesday – Total of 24 hours at home

Thursday – Stayed at home
Thursday – Total of 24 hours at home

Friday –
I had a Doc Appointment about my ears. Yes they are fine, just seems to be allergy related and I just have to give the medicine some time to work to see if it will help with itching and being irritated. Hubby kept Jade in the car while I ran in to my appointment and ran back out. He let her color and play while I was gone.
We decide to head to a store to look for me some new tennis shoes (mine look like they are about to fall apart). I was looking around when Jade starts laughing and playing really loud, I turn to look at her and she is climbing the shelves. (It was all I could do not to just break down in the middle of the store) Hubby grabs Jade and begins to walk her to the front of the store where I was lingering behind just wanting the screaming to stop. We get to the counter and place my tennis shoes up there. The lady starts to check them out and the price is like 2x the price of what we thought. She called management and Jade noticed the Suckers. (REALLY!? They have to put SUCKERS in kids reach at the counter???) Jade starts throwing a bigger fit, kicking, screaming, everything and anything with “want” flying out of her mouth. I grab her hand and I walk fast to the car. We both climb in and we both break down in the car. (Emotional a bit? I think so.)
Hubby comes back to the car and we head home. We weren’t even out of the house for 2 hours.
Friday – Total of 22 hours at home

Saturday –
There is a huge yard sale about 10 minutes away from here. Like miles and miles of yard sales. I wanted to go. I wanted to get out of the house, spend time as a family, but yeahhh…
After 3 stops Jade starts her fit over toys. She starts screaming, and we are off back to the car where I just have an emotional breakdown.
All we do is go “home”. I am so sick of home. I just rather pitch up a tent and move to the mountains for the weekend, something to get me away from here. I finally just broke down and told Hubby I couldn’t stay at home. I had to get out before I get worse. I am a social person, and I have no social environment but with a 3-year-old, and you know they can only hold a conversation for so long.
I have been in a house with nowhere to go since 2004. It is catching up to me, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I finally just let loose and told Hubby how I felt, which he agreed. We are even looking into how to help Jade instead of fighting with her.
I have come to conclusion that if we are at a store she sees us buy something; she thinks she needs it too. So, we need to be fairer about things, and stop making the problem worse for her, and myself.
Also, we need another way to get around this place. I need the car so I can get Jade into a Daycare so she can have fun, and play with other kids. If we had a car I could even get out of the house to enjoy “new/old” friends. Maybe even get a part-time job. I wouldn’t want something that is every day, because well frankly I still want to be a family, and have our family time.
Anyway, Saturday I ended up going to my childhood friend’s house for about 3 hours. I took him out to eat and we caught up with what was going on in his life, and all the news things. He really is like my big brother and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
When I got home I finished watching the Alabama game with Hubby. Which Alabama won! WOOHOO! We took Jade to my mom’s (when she didn’t mind and understood I needed a break) and Hubby took me out to eat, just us. It was really nice of him.
Saturday – Total 16 hours at home

Total hours at home from Monday – Saturday 106 hours. Still a lot right?
For a long time we would stay home weeks at a time, we would go get groceries come back home, etc. I am tired of sitting at home cleaning house day in day out. It is time for a change.
So, now you know where I have been.
My Facebook will be back tomorrow. I deactivated due to everything going on. I needed some space for me, and I wanted to live without Facebook just enough so I could breathe without my phone vibrating off the table.

  • Blog Warming Guests

    • 214,914 random views
  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 361 other followers

  • Categories

  • Pages

  • Even when you got on #vacation you pack your #Posh. #itisaneccesity The bathroom smells amazing when you treat your skin, and your #skin will be #happy. #PoshwithJenna in #Florida
  • bloglovin
  • Vote For Us @ Top Mommy Blogs
  • Around The World

  • Follow We're Jumpin' on WordPress.com
  • Top Posts & Pages