Homeschooling, On the Fence

home-school

I have started thinking about homeschooling 4 years ago when my daughter was diagnosed with food allergies. I am already a stay-at-home-mom so why not keep her safe at home and teach her from here? We have battled so much, and I know it will be beneficial to her because she can go at her own pace. She will be able to do what she wants, and she can excel in the subjects or categories she wants to.

However, here is my dilemma.
Will they miss out on the social skills with friends? 
Right now Grayson really doesn’t understand so I am going with my daughter. She says she don’t talk at school, she is scared she will get in trouble. She said she is pretty much quiet throughout the day, and only talks when she is allowed. To me this sets off alarms.
My child’s voice is being held from learning.
How will she miss her friends? Will she miss that recess time of 20 minutes with her friends?

I just don’t know how homeschool moms go through the social thing. She loves the communication, the friendships, the knowledge that people are about her outside her home.

Another thing I am on the fence about is the Common Core.
I don’t want to teach my child about Common Core. It is boring, pointless and utterly ridiculous. I see no point in it, and I am sure a lot of you all agree. I just want her to know an easy way to do things. The onsite of eye-rolling at homework, and she barely has any but with homeschool, she will never have homework.

Gosh, do you see what I mean? I am just going in circles. I have no clue what is coming and going. All these mixed emotions are so weird for me, usually I don’t have mixed emotions. I just “do“.

How does one go about teaching a child at home if you don’t know how to teach them? Do they have teachers? Will there be others to call on for help? How does this work? Btw – if anyone knows any of the questions feel free to let me know, or maybe even where to look for the answers. I do know I don’t want to be in K12, or a Public Online School which is controlled by the state, because I do not want Common Core.

I want to be able to teach my child life experiences. Things they can look forward to as they grow. I love being with my kids, sure, some days I might want to pull my hair out, but we will have to find the happy medium in it all. Sure, I do love when they go to school and I have that extra time to take a power nap, but I think it will be beneficial to figure out what will help them grow into their own little grown humans.

At what age do you start with your kids homeschooling. There are so many things that are wanting me to go for it. Lockdown Drills, so many school shooting now a days, and it seems it will only get worse. Her anxiety with what everyone else is eating, and my anxiety on what others are doing around her as well.

Heart Palpitations

heartpalitations

Heart palpitations are a feeling that your heart is beating too hard or too fast, skipping a beat, or fluttering. You may notice heart palpitations in your chest, throat, or neck. Heart palpitations can be bothersome or frightening. They usually aren’t serious or harmful, though, and often go away on their own.

I started getting heart palpitations when everything happened with the neighbor. I don’t know if the amount of stress started it, or if it was a mix of everything. I was also in the middle of a civil rights case against my daughter’s school when everything was going on. I was also in the middle of being distant with family. I really had a lot going on and I wasn’t using my voice as I should had been.

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My Own Insecurities

 

confidence

I honestly struggle a lot.
My insecurities doesn’t cause me anxiety, that I am aware of. But I really am self conscious. It is a weird thing to be inside my mind. I guess in reality I just throw on clothes, but then I look in the mirror and realize my mom muffin top can be seen and completely change what I wanted to wear. It sucks. I only have the front of my stomach to be the issue. Like you can totally tell a watermelon kiddo was in there. Like excess skin, stretch marks, the look of a muffin top… it doesn’t go away. Maybe some people look at me to be beautiful but in my head, I think I can be “better“.

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Depression and Anxiety

pain

I have depression and anxiety. Yup, I will admit it here. I have suffered with it for a long time, I just never talk about it. I don’t even take medicine for it, because I don’t want a pill helping me, I want to help myself. My anxiety comes from a number of places: my past, dealing with medical issues, just a lot of different things. I’m not one to say “I’m depressed today, leave me alone” or “I can’t do that due to my anxiety” or “Pray for me, my anxiety is bad“. I guess in a way, to me, if I said those things I would look at it as an excuse? Instead, I cover up with that excuse with something else.

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Life is Hard

Iamhere

No one understands what it is like when you are trying to overcome anxiety.
My anxiety didn’t hit til January when everything happened.
Yes, I pray. I know in time everything will be fine, but I still have bad days.
It is hard understanding what one goes through when your life is snatched from you. By life, I don’t mean that you are dying. I mean that life is hard. Life of trying to give it your all in everyday things.
If you can go to the grocery store by yourself, without thinking about all the what ifs, than be grateful. I would never want anyone to go through what I did. The worry. The pain. The pure thought of something bad happening.
I know it can happen, it happened to me.
Reaching out to get support, or even to ask for a lending hand.. to be rejected.
To be rejected by the one person who means the most to you.
It hurts.
My heart hurts.
I just want to feel like my normal self again. It took me 16 years to get to the point of going places by myself.
To go alone.
Than one day, in one second all of that came back.
Being touched in your own home. Your private place, your own environment, your guard being shattered.
This is what I am overcoming.
The thought of not having support, the thought of people “not getting it”.
The remarks of, “Let it go.” “It happens.” “Only God can heal.”
To anyone out there who has been through this. I feel you. I am here.
I am here, just trying to be the best person I can.